why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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