She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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