it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have fence marks all over my body
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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