this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
