Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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