puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
