I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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