soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
