Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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