I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
