thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm always down for nudity.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
