I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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