Jerry, you need to find god
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
