He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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