I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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