woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
