i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
