She's JV to your varsity
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
