I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
