I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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