guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
