She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
