i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
