You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
