im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
