Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
