didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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