Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
