She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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