she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
vagina is talking i cant
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
