I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i love accidental penises.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize