is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
