It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
