I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
