i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
