he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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