hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
