the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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