You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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