got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
