you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
