Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize