hotel room ftw
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
