There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
