thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
