you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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