Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
