mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
