I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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