I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
