his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
