the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
