STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
