you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
