I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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