Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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