We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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