just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
