I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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