That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
