Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
