I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize