It's Friday. Sex?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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