You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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