Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
