He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
love makes seman taste better
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want nice things and good sex
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
