Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
