you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
