ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
